First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
