I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you