I am spending my child support on dildos
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time