went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.