I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If I die, sorry about rent.