I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
