eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She's just so happy...and so naked.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops