This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
