i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am naked and annoyed.
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