Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
