Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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