i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
