Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
