How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
