ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
