Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
