They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The air was thick with penises
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
