Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
