i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So many bounce houses so little time
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
