he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
