mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
