You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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