everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
