Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
