All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
