NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
