i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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