I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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