I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
