He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
