Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Please, let me fuck your mom
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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