its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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