Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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