i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize