I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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