So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
