I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
