Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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