i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
