i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
