I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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