He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
