I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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