when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
