I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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