trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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