Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
