Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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