The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
