It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
