K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
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