Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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