Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
