she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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