Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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