Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I smell stomach acid.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
