I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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