WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
