This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize