And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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