omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
