Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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