Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
