I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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