I puked a lego.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
