what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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