and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
