I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
