So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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